Jokes

How much will this cost me?

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Women’s talk

Two women are talking about men:
- Have you ever met a man whose touch makes you tremble?
- Yes.
- Who was he?
- A dentist.

Psychological problem

A psychiatrist says to his patient, “So, you say that you’re happy to pay your taxes. And when did this start?”

Is there a war?

Two women neighbours are talking. “Mary, what’s wrong with you? Are you ill? I saw the doctor coming out of your house twice last week.” - “So what? I saw an officer coming out of your house five times last week but I’m not saying that a war has broken out.”

Danger on the Road

Little Tommy is about to leave for school. “Be very careful on the road,” says his father. “Don’t you forget to look round twice when you cross”. – “Oh, daddy, you know I am always very careful,” he replies. “But Tommy, I only mention this because mummy has gone to work by car today,” father says.

Needless

A librarian said to a man asking for a thriller:
“I can recommend you this book. It is a hair-raising story.”
”No use to me,” said the reader, “I’m bald-headed”.

Title

Teacher: “What’s your name?”
Schoolboy: “Henry Smith.”
Teacher: “Always say ‘Sir’ when you speak to a teacher.”
Schoolboy (apologetically): “Sir Henry Smith.”

The debt

“When are you going to pay me back, Ivan?”
“As soon as my rich uncle from the States comes to Brazil to visit me.”
“Well, that’s an old story, one I’ve been listening to for years.”
“I can show you his letter.”
“So what does he say?”
“He’s asking me to buy him a ticket.”

In Court

Lawyer: “Now that we have won, will you tell me confidentially
if you stole the money?”
Client: “Well, after hearing you talk in court yesterday,
I am beginning to think I didn’t.”